It is the day before Father's Day and I am spending time with my kids and having a terrific day. I am enjoying them and I think they are enjoying me. This is what parenting should be about.
However, things are never this easy. Because Father's Day falls on my weekend, I invited Tony to come to brunch with us so the kids could see both of their dads and celebrate both of us. One of my operating principles is that my children must be able to have open and loving relationships with both parents. A second principle is that the divorce was for me and everything else is for the kids.
Tony asked if he could take the kids for a few hours in the afternoon so they could go to a birthday party on Father's Day at his friend Tim's house. (We do a nanny share with Tim for his amazingly adorable son). I said no. I have been on the road for a long time and I didn't want to give up more time with my kids, especially on Father's Day. I told him that if the party was on any other day, I would say yes, but not on Father's Day...I wanted to be with my children.
Tony responded with how sad Tim's son would be (he is 2) and how disappointed our kids would be. I picked the kids up last night and the first thing they say as soon as they get in the car is that Tim told them that his son would be so disappointed because I wasn't letting them go to the birthday party. I got a bit angry.
Tony said that I could come to the party with the kids. It is clear that the only reason I was invited was because I said that the kids couldn't go because I wanted to be with my children. They don't want me at the party and never go out of their way to make me feel welcomed, in fact they often freeze me out. I refuse to put myself into that situation -- especially on this special day. So, now they are telling the kids that I am keeping them from a party and not thinking of the poor two year old. (I bought him a present for the party.) I just hate thinking that I get judged as a bad person because I want to be with my kids on Father's Day.
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Boo! Sorry you had drama in your father's day planning. I hope you and the kids end up having an amazing day.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jacob...we did. We went to York Beach in Maine and had an amazing day in the surf!
ReplyDeleteI hate the negative connotation of the word selfish, the opposite is, imho, to be self-less. Kudos to you for setting your boundary and keeping in focus what (it sounds like) you and your children needed - some family time
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