A year in the life

I am sitting in Gothenburg, Sweden with a small break in my day and realized how much of the road I have been down in one year.  I felt the need to recollect:

1.  Last year at this time, I was starting a new position and struggling with the new responsibilities and new peer relationships at work.  Now, I am seen as a critical member of the leadership team and my opinion means something.  (This is not to say that I don't often get overruled...but at least I get listened to!)

2.  Last year at this time, I was battling with Tony and felt I wasn't sure if he would make good on the arrangements that we made.  Now, we battle significantly less because I am better at picking my battles, Tony has made good on all that was expected and there is no longer anything we can hold over the other.  We are officially finished.

3.  Last year at this time, the children were going through tremendous change and transition and feeling unsettled.  Now, both kids own their space, have grown in confidence and have learned to manage their parents with grace.

4.  Last year at this time, I panicked over the budget and how I would make things work.  Now, I worry about the budget...but there is no panic.

5.  Last year at this time, I was convinced that I would be single for a long time because I didn't have the time or patience to deal with a new relationship.  Now...there is Joe and alot of appreciation from me for all that he brings. 

6.  Last year at this time, I was surviving.  Now, I am living.

Another big week

It is a beautiful Spring day in New England.  Flowers are blooming.  Sun is shining.  People are alive!  I love this time of year.  It also causes me to be quite reflective.  That feeling of being alive and vital always makes me appreciate all that I have.

This week Olivia turned 5.  I was emotionally prepared for it but didn't expect that I would look at her differently.  I see the end of so many things.  The end of her innocence. The end of her free days as she prepares to enter school.  The end of our relationship with our nanny who has been with us since she was born.  I also see the start of so many things.  The start of real independence.  The start separation.  The start of new social circles.  I celebrate and mourn with it all.  This is, in part, what it means to be a parent. 

This week we celebrated Joe's birthday.  A first for my little tribe.  Joe has been blending in and becoming a a part of in such natural and beautiful ways.  It was great to see him and the kids decorate cupcakes.  For the kids to give him presents and for him to respond with gifts and appreciation.  I have a partner that relishes the role children play in the family and doesn't feel slighted that focus may be constantly shifting from one to another. 

Michael has been striving to achieve new levels of freedom and to do so has taken on greater responsibility and has been working harder on his relationship with his sister.  I am seeing the man he is becoming.  The startling fact is that I didn't expect this to emerge so early, but there it is.  He is forming in front of my eyes and I am enthralled at what I see. 

So today, I am taking a moment from my busy day to say that with all the stress, anxiety, frustration and worry....Spring has sprung and so have I.