I have one more major trip before I come off the road for the summer. There will be some smaller sporadic trips but at least the heavy grind will be over for a while. I leave on Sunday for New York and Spain.
I realized the other day how tired I am! Even when I am home, I have the children, work and not a moment to myself. The other night I had clients from France in, and they brought their family including their 3 year old niece. I had the kids, so I brought them to dinner with us. Olivia and Lelou were so funny. It was so instinctual in the way they interacted. One spoke French; one English. The first moment they saw each other, they sized each other up and checked out each other's outfit (Women can be that way...). Then they held hands and started to dance. They ended up entertaining the entire North End all night. At one point, I asked Olivia what she thought of Lelou. She told me that they were best friends and were going to have play dates and sleep overs. "But", I said, "Lelou doesn't speak English...you can't understand her." "I understand very good" was the response. And she was right. They did understand each other and language had nothing to do with it. If only adults didn't lose that ability...
Yesterday was actually my first day off in more than eight weeks. I didn't know what to do with myself. I got up, cleaned my house (a desperate act to be sure) and went to buy a belt. But then I was stuck as to what to do next. I realized that alot of my social network has fallen by the wayside. I felt like my local connections have dried up. I had a day/evening that I could do anything I wanted -- put myself into a situation that might promote opportunities for the future -- and I had nothing. I realized that I need to figure out how to create opportunity. I went to have dinner with the girls and they recommended that I put an ad in the local gay paper that I want to start a book group, a movie group, a board game group or the like for single men between 35 and 55. Hmmmm....
OK blog readers...what do you think...Where do I go to create opportunity to meet people? I have been so out of the loop as far as dating and socializing go that I am not sure how to get back into the loop...Post a suggestion!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Life on the Road
It is a beautiful May evening...I am is a stunningly beautiful resort in Dallas. Golf courses, saunas, pools, and my room was upgraded to villa. Yet, I can't seem to pull myself out of my room. There is no where to go "off property" and I just don't feel like I want to get out and enjoy the facilities.
I have been doing a tremendous amount of work travel lately. Last month was New York and Paris. This month is New York, Dallas, Dublin. Next month is Madrid, Barcelona, Geneva. While I love being able to go to tremendous places and meet interesting people, I am starting to get exhausted. I miss my kids. Because of the travel, any day I am home, I have the kids with me. But this also means that I never get a moment off. I never seem to be able to put "me" into perspective. I am starting to wonder what is next in store for me.
I don't want to be living in the same apartment in two years. I want a place of my own. I want to have a better balance of work/family life. I don't want to feel that I have to choose between my kids and doing what I need for me...and the coping with the subsequent guilt that comes with it...regardless of what I choose.
And, I don't want to do this alone. I have been realizing more and more lately that I don't like being single. I don't need a relationship. I can manage quite well on my own. But...I do get lonely. I miss the emotional and intellectual intimacy. I miss having someone to plan the day with. I fear this sounds maudlin and that I am a sad and lonely person. I am not. It is just that one of the biggest learnings I have had over the past two years is that it is okay to ask for what you want in life. I want a full partner in every sense of the word. At this time, I don't see any strong proespects or opportunities -- and I dont' see that changing any time soon. In the meantime, I get up, get the kids through their day, do my work, give thanks for all that is working in my life and continue to make sense of this crazy thing called my life.
I have been doing a tremendous amount of work travel lately. Last month was New York and Paris. This month is New York, Dallas, Dublin. Next month is Madrid, Barcelona, Geneva. While I love being able to go to tremendous places and meet interesting people, I am starting to get exhausted. I miss my kids. Because of the travel, any day I am home, I have the kids with me. But this also means that I never get a moment off. I never seem to be able to put "me" into perspective. I am starting to wonder what is next in store for me.
I don't want to be living in the same apartment in two years. I want a place of my own. I want to have a better balance of work/family life. I don't want to feel that I have to choose between my kids and doing what I need for me...and the coping with the subsequent guilt that comes with it...regardless of what I choose.
And, I don't want to do this alone. I have been realizing more and more lately that I don't like being single. I don't need a relationship. I can manage quite well on my own. But...I do get lonely. I miss the emotional and intellectual intimacy. I miss having someone to plan the day with. I fear this sounds maudlin and that I am a sad and lonely person. I am not. It is just that one of the biggest learnings I have had over the past two years is that it is okay to ask for what you want in life. I want a full partner in every sense of the word. At this time, I don't see any strong proespects or opportunities -- and I dont' see that changing any time soon. In the meantime, I get up, get the kids through their day, do my work, give thanks for all that is working in my life and continue to make sense of this crazy thing called my life.
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