I knew going into this parenting thing that there would be challenging times and tough decisions to make. However, I just wasn't prepared for all incompassing some of the stress would be. Let me open with how much I love my kids and would do every bit of it over again given the opportunity. They are the most amazing people I have ever met and I am a better person for having the honor of them in my life.
However...that said. What the hell? I have never felt such a loss of patience, stress and feelings of inadequacy before. They are times when I just say to myself...where did my ability to breath go? Why am I jumping and snapping so much? This is a note to myself to breath more, realize they are just being kids and what they are doing isn't going to cause any harm, or distress...even if it is ridiculous and makes a huge mess! It can all be cleaned! Mess is part of learning and I can live with a bit more disorder ... but the constant back and forth, the sibling squabbles and the disregard makes me flip out. The fact that I give an ok and then what he initially asked for isn't good enough. If I say yes to 10 minutes then he wants 15. If I say yes to 15 then he wants 20. So, even trying to be agreeable results in frustration.
Update: I decided that the best way to address this was with Michael directly. I sat him down today when we had some alone time (which admittedly, we never get enough of). I explained my frustration and he had some opinions (most of which I didn't think were headed down the road to resolution, but he was talking.) I explained that I want to be more agreeable and not to yell so much (I hate that I am a "yeller", but it is the truth.). He told me that yelling doesn't make him change that just ignoring it will get him to do what he needs to be doing. However, not yelling and nothing gets done...I told him that he is solely responsible for his brain, his mouth and his body, and when those things go awry is the only time he gets into trouble. We seemed to come to a nonverbal agreement that he would take responsibility for those things...but time will tell. For now, I am satisfied that we talked and then went for ice cream. It was enough for today...for both of us.
However...that said. What the hell? I have never felt such a loss of patience, stress and feelings of inadequacy before. They are times when I just say to myself...where did my ability to breath go? Why am I jumping and snapping so much? This is a note to myself to breath more, realize they are just being kids and what they are doing isn't going to cause any harm, or distress...even if it is ridiculous and makes a huge mess! It can all be cleaned! Mess is part of learning and I can live with a bit more disorder ... but the constant back and forth, the sibling squabbles and the disregard makes me flip out. The fact that I give an ok and then what he initially asked for isn't good enough. If I say yes to 10 minutes then he wants 15. If I say yes to 15 then he wants 20. So, even trying to be agreeable results in frustration.
Update: I decided that the best way to address this was with Michael directly. I sat him down today when we had some alone time (which admittedly, we never get enough of). I explained my frustration and he had some opinions (most of which I didn't think were headed down the road to resolution, but he was talking.) I explained that I want to be more agreeable and not to yell so much (I hate that I am a "yeller", but it is the truth.). He told me that yelling doesn't make him change that just ignoring it will get him to do what he needs to be doing. However, not yelling and nothing gets done...I told him that he is solely responsible for his brain, his mouth and his body, and when those things go awry is the only time he gets into trouble. We seemed to come to a nonverbal agreement that he would take responsibility for those things...but time will tell. For now, I am satisfied that we talked and then went for ice cream. It was enough for today...for both of us.
