Last night I had a couple of friends over for a BBQ with the kids. A nice night, relaxing. Kids showing off and being overly dramatic and wired as kids do in front of company. A good night.
By the end of the night when it was only my friend Stephen and I left we happened to be discussing my dirt collection. Yes. I collect dirt. Not just on people, but actual dirt. In jars. I have dirt from all of the really interesting places I have travelled around the globe. Each little jar has a date and location from where the dirt comes from. Some of it is so beautifully unique like the red sands of Sedona and the crush blue shell of Vancouver. Some of it is remarkably the same like the rocky soil from Washington DC and Rome (which is interesting when you compare the similarities between the two cities.)
I have a plan for the dirt. It is for more than collecting dust. I mean after all, why would I want dusty dirt? Here is the plan:
When I die, I want to be cremated. I want my ashes mixed in with the dirt that I have collected along my life’s journey. Then I want the mixture put into little packages.
My memorial service should be by the ocean and every attendee should get a little package of me. (As my friend Sandy says, “Only you would have a gift bag…and it would be you.”) Then, I want each person to complete the following sentence, “I know Elliott loved me because….” (Not, “I loved Elliott because…”), then chuck me into the tide. It is important that this happens at high tide because at low tide the seagulls will eat me and then shit me on top of a Honda….that would not be the effect I am hoping for.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
A vivid dream
It is 5:30 a.m. and I just woke from an extraordinarily vivid dream. The kind of dream that when you wake up you are not sure if it was real or not.
In the dream, I lived in a wooded area, in an old barn-shingle house where other people lived as well. I had just gotten home when the weather turned foul...quickly. The next thing I know the house is ripped from its foundation and starts spinning. I realize that the house has been picked up by a twister and we spin very quickly for what feels like a long time, but in reality was probably less than a minute. The house is gently put down next to the foundation.
I stumble out of the house, in shock/amazement at what just happened. I try calling people to tell them my house was just picked up by a twister and taken off the foundation but can't get anyone on the phone. As soon as start dialing again, I see 20 large, threatening twisters coming at me from every direction. They circle around where I am standing and completely destroy my house...leaving it in splinters. The storm passes. It is quiet and the sun comes out. My reaction? How do I get a FEMA trailer?
What do you think that means?????
In the dream, I lived in a wooded area, in an old barn-shingle house where other people lived as well. I had just gotten home when the weather turned foul...quickly. The next thing I know the house is ripped from its foundation and starts spinning. I realize that the house has been picked up by a twister and we spin very quickly for what feels like a long time, but in reality was probably less than a minute. The house is gently put down next to the foundation.
I stumble out of the house, in shock/amazement at what just happened. I try calling people to tell them my house was just picked up by a twister and taken off the foundation but can't get anyone on the phone. As soon as start dialing again, I see 20 large, threatening twisters coming at me from every direction. They circle around where I am standing and completely destroy my house...leaving it in splinters. The storm passes. It is quiet and the sun comes out. My reaction? How do I get a FEMA trailer?
What do you think that means?????
Friday, June 25, 2010
Hurricane Michael
Tyrant. Bully. Ickyhead. Yep. I got called all of them this morning. Not all of them are false monikers mind you...but getting them all at once can be difficult.
I have been strict with Michael since he was a baby. He is now 9 and feels that he no longer needs parenting and has the right to speak to me in any fashion that he so chooses and at any volume. However, I am of a different mindset. I believe that he still needs to speak to me with respect, appropriateness and deference. This does not mean that he has to agree with me, that he can't challenge my opinion or tell me that I am wrong. He just has to do it appropriately.
This morning, I offered Michael computer time after breakfast if he got all of his chores done and spoke to me and his sister kindly. Chores...check. Kindly...no check.
I am a man of my word. WYSIWYG. No never means yes. He still hasn't learned the lesson. Then the loss of the electronic playtime only served to make him angrier, more defiant. It was like seeing a storm coming and having no place to go. He told me that he thought I was afraid of him. (Can you imagine such a thing??)
After sulking in his room for a few minutes, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He marched into my room and I expected further thunderstorms. He glared at me and then softened his face and said, "Big Dad...I am sorry for how I talked to you." Big hug. Kiss. Storm blew out to sea.
I have been strict with Michael since he was a baby. He is now 9 and feels that he no longer needs parenting and has the right to speak to me in any fashion that he so chooses and at any volume. However, I am of a different mindset. I believe that he still needs to speak to me with respect, appropriateness and deference. This does not mean that he has to agree with me, that he can't challenge my opinion or tell me that I am wrong. He just has to do it appropriately.
This morning, I offered Michael computer time after breakfast if he got all of his chores done and spoke to me and his sister kindly. Chores...check. Kindly...no check.
I am a man of my word. WYSIWYG. No never means yes. He still hasn't learned the lesson. Then the loss of the electronic playtime only served to make him angrier, more defiant. It was like seeing a storm coming and having no place to go. He told me that he thought I was afraid of him. (Can you imagine such a thing??)
After sulking in his room for a few minutes, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He marched into my room and I expected further thunderstorms. He glared at me and then softened his face and said, "Big Dad...I am sorry for how I talked to you." Big hug. Kiss. Storm blew out to sea.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
What tired feels like
So...I am generally happy and positive these days. There is someone that is showing genuine interest in me, and although I am not sure how or if it will all work out, it is nice to be considered. The weather is holding out and giving me lots of options. I have some free time this weekend and go make plans (although I am not sure what I will do with myself!).
So...no complaints today. No "but". Just a simple "and". And, I am tired. Exhausted really. I feel like a cement block. My muscles are tight. (I had the worst charlie horse in bed this morning...the kind where your calf muscles twist into something from a horror film and you have to use every ounce of self control not to cry.) I can't process a coherent thought. I think...man, how will I stay awake for the rest of the day.
I was going to make a nice dinner for me and the kids. By the time I got home, all I could manage was chicken nuggets and left over pasta salad. (Ketchup is a vegetable .... right?) At dinner, we have a ritual where each person states one thing they are thankful for or something good that happened to them during the day. The theory is that no matter how bad your day was, there is something to be thankful for. Today, the kids were thankful for things that had to do with our house, our meal and our time together. The work is paying off...that is until they started picking on each other again. They will be in bed soon...and so will I.
So...no complaints today. No "but". Just a simple "and". And, I am tired. Exhausted really. I feel like a cement block. My muscles are tight. (I had the worst charlie horse in bed this morning...the kind where your calf muscles twist into something from a horror film and you have to use every ounce of self control not to cry.) I can't process a coherent thought. I think...man, how will I stay awake for the rest of the day.
I was going to make a nice dinner for me and the kids. By the time I got home, all I could manage was chicken nuggets and left over pasta salad. (Ketchup is a vegetable .... right?) At dinner, we have a ritual where each person states one thing they are thankful for or something good that happened to them during the day. The theory is that no matter how bad your day was, there is something to be thankful for. Today, the kids were thankful for things that had to do with our house, our meal and our time together. The work is paying off...that is until they started picking on each other again. They will be in bed soon...and so will I.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
thinking too much
It is amazing how my brain can be split along two lines of thought at the same time.
I think this is why all the drama with my ex and his circle of support bothers me so much. If I had more of a plan for myself, I would be able to brush it off and say "This is where I am headed and the noise you are making doesn't hinder my ability to move forward." That is where I need to get to...and soon!
- Thought A) How do I plan the rest of my life? How do I get beyond where I am right now? I only have vague goals and I don’t work well with vague goals. I have never had a difficult time saying “That is where North is and where I want to be”. But, for some reason, I am struggling with it. I don’t do well without clarity and goals.
- Thought B) Boy, the beach would be a great place to take a nap. Perhaps I should just live simply for a while and not worry about the future. Take a break. It has been a tremendous amount of change over the past 4 years. Clear the decks and breathe.
I think this is why all the drama with my ex and his circle of support bothers me so much. If I had more of a plan for myself, I would be able to brush it off and say "This is where I am headed and the noise you are making doesn't hinder my ability to move forward." That is where I need to get to...and soon!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Trying not to be little
Trying not to be little is a hard thing to do. It is so easy ... and gratifying on some level ... to really be petty, snide and snarky. Taking the high road, being respectful, biting my tongue and/or letting go does not come easy in some situations. But, it must be done!
I am becoming increasingly aware that my ex and parts of his support network have been presenting me in less than a positive light to people that I share social interactions with, and more importantly, to my children. I am trying to be clear that talking in front of the children is not appropriate, that talking about me behind my back is juvenile and hurtful and at this point in our divorce (which has been final for more than a year) we should be able to live our own lives without interference from the other - unless it has direct consequence for the children.
However, I asked for a divorce because I realized that I had no power, right or authority to change him while we were married...I have even less now. So, for now, I try to not be little, to be respectful, clear and focus on what I can change...me.
I am becoming increasingly aware that my ex and parts of his support network have been presenting me in less than a positive light to people that I share social interactions with, and more importantly, to my children. I am trying to be clear that talking in front of the children is not appropriate, that talking about me behind my back is juvenile and hurtful and at this point in our divorce (which has been final for more than a year) we should be able to live our own lives without interference from the other - unless it has direct consequence for the children.
However, I asked for a divorce because I realized that I had no power, right or authority to change him while we were married...I have even less now. So, for now, I try to not be little, to be respectful, clear and focus on what I can change...me.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day morn...
I woke up this morning because I felt a warmth on my neck...and my face being tickled. Olivia snuck into my bed and was snuggled into my neck and her curly locks were splayed across my face. I didn't move an inch and just enjoyed the moment. This is what being a Dad is all about.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Father's Day weekend
It is the day before Father's Day and I am spending time with my kids and having a terrific day. I am enjoying them and I think they are enjoying me. This is what parenting should be about.
However, things are never this easy. Because Father's Day falls on my weekend, I invited Tony to come to brunch with us so the kids could see both of their dads and celebrate both of us. One of my operating principles is that my children must be able to have open and loving relationships with both parents. A second principle is that the divorce was for me and everything else is for the kids.
Tony asked if he could take the kids for a few hours in the afternoon so they could go to a birthday party on Father's Day at his friend Tim's house. (We do a nanny share with Tim for his amazingly adorable son). I said no. I have been on the road for a long time and I didn't want to give up more time with my kids, especially on Father's Day. I told him that if the party was on any other day, I would say yes, but not on Father's Day...I wanted to be with my children.
Tony responded with how sad Tim's son would be (he is 2) and how disappointed our kids would be. I picked the kids up last night and the first thing they say as soon as they get in the car is that Tim told them that his son would be so disappointed because I wasn't letting them go to the birthday party. I got a bit angry.
Tony said that I could come to the party with the kids. It is clear that the only reason I was invited was because I said that the kids couldn't go because I wanted to be with my children. They don't want me at the party and never go out of their way to make me feel welcomed, in fact they often freeze me out. I refuse to put myself into that situation -- especially on this special day. So, now they are telling the kids that I am keeping them from a party and not thinking of the poor two year old. (I bought him a present for the party.) I just hate thinking that I get judged as a bad person because I want to be with my kids on Father's Day.
However, things are never this easy. Because Father's Day falls on my weekend, I invited Tony to come to brunch with us so the kids could see both of their dads and celebrate both of us. One of my operating principles is that my children must be able to have open and loving relationships with both parents. A second principle is that the divorce was for me and everything else is for the kids.
Tony asked if he could take the kids for a few hours in the afternoon so they could go to a birthday party on Father's Day at his friend Tim's house. (We do a nanny share with Tim for his amazingly adorable son). I said no. I have been on the road for a long time and I didn't want to give up more time with my kids, especially on Father's Day. I told him that if the party was on any other day, I would say yes, but not on Father's Day...I wanted to be with my children.
Tony responded with how sad Tim's son would be (he is 2) and how disappointed our kids would be. I picked the kids up last night and the first thing they say as soon as they get in the car is that Tim told them that his son would be so disappointed because I wasn't letting them go to the birthday party. I got a bit angry.
Tony said that I could come to the party with the kids. It is clear that the only reason I was invited was because I said that the kids couldn't go because I wanted to be with my children. They don't want me at the party and never go out of their way to make me feel welcomed, in fact they often freeze me out. I refuse to put myself into that situation -- especially on this special day. So, now they are telling the kids that I am keeping them from a party and not thinking of the poor two year old. (I bought him a present for the party.) I just hate thinking that I get judged as a bad person because I want to be with my kids on Father's Day.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Cautiously optimistic
You have heard me say it before...dating is like a wedgie with a noogie. This has to be one of the most risk-laden things I have ever done. I have been in the Army, lived on the DMZ between North and South Korea, had kids, fought a forest fire, and been a chaperone on a third grade field trip, but nothing is scarier than dating.
First, you have to meet the guy. No easy task! You have to put yourself out there and risk humiliation, rejection, and ridicule. Ok...that wasn't the tough part. Actually, I deal with ridicule quite well.
The hard part comes during the first date. Having a bad date or not liking him is the easy part. Say good night and wipe your etch-a-sketch clean...start anew tomorrow. But, if you do like him...ugh! Does he like you? Can he kiss to save his life? If you are completely attracted to him and you get a sense that he is attracted to you...you have to ask the much bigger questions. Will he fit with the kids? What will he think of the kids? When and how do you introduce him and the kids? When do you ask about health and HIV status and do you believe him? When do you "move forward" and how? At this age, he has probably lived a life and had some experiences and lessons that you might struggle with. How much to chalk up to youthful transgressions? How much time do you invest to test the waters before moving on to a more realistic candidate?
Maybe I will just stick with third grade field trips. At least there you can still be successful if you can get everyone back on the bus.
First, you have to meet the guy. No easy task! You have to put yourself out there and risk humiliation, rejection, and ridicule. Ok...that wasn't the tough part. Actually, I deal with ridicule quite well.
The hard part comes during the first date. Having a bad date or not liking him is the easy part. Say good night and wipe your etch-a-sketch clean...start anew tomorrow. But, if you do like him...ugh! Does he like you? Can he kiss to save his life? If you are completely attracted to him and you get a sense that he is attracted to you...you have to ask the much bigger questions. Will he fit with the kids? What will he think of the kids? When and how do you introduce him and the kids? When do you ask about health and HIV status and do you believe him? When do you "move forward" and how? At this age, he has probably lived a life and had some experiences and lessons that you might struggle with. How much to chalk up to youthful transgressions? How much time do you invest to test the waters before moving on to a more realistic candidate?
Maybe I will just stick with third grade field trips. At least there you can still be successful if you can get everyone back on the bus.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Learning from the past
So, lately I have been completely stymied. I have had more people tell me they have seen my ex out and about. He tells me things. The kids tell me things. And it is shocking the things I hear. I don’t understand and am a bit taken aback.
It seems that he is out having a strong social life, meeting all kinds of new people, joining groups, going to the gym, having cocktails, seems to have money to spend, is taking vacations with friends, babysitting for others, etc. How can all of that be true? When we were together, he had no friends other than the ones that I brought into the relationship; he wasn’t a “joiner” in any sense of the word and would barely talk with me about anything. Now, he is living an active and engaged life…the life I was hoping to have as a couple. Why couldn’t he do this when we were together? This would have helped to maintain our marriage!
Don’t get me wrong…I don’t begrudge him any of this. In fact, I am thrilled that he is able to live a full life; it is what I always hoped for. What I don’t understand is why couldn’t he do this when he was with me? Why could he find a way to live fully with me as his partner? I have to question myself. Clearly, he is capable of this…just not with me, so what was it about our marriage that held him back? I would like to think that perhaps, my leaving woke him up, and allowed him to live more fully. However, I don’t think that he was that linked to me personally.
Could it have been that his sense of security has changed and he realizes that he needs to do this to live whereas before, I managed most of this and he didn’t need to pay attention? I am sure that I will never have the answers. He will never talk to me about this.
What do I have to learn from this? I think there are lessons here that I need to pay heed to before letting go:
1. I cannot manage a relationship and expect my partner to be able to grow. I think I made this mistake in my marriage and it helped to bring us apart.
2. I must not provide all of the social outlets for my partner, nor expect him to always want to/have to participate in mine because if I do, he will not develop any of his own.
3. I have to get a perspective that allows me to be genuinely happy for him in his new life that is separate from any feelings of guilt, jealousy or abandonment that I might have.
4. I have to find a way to deal with the times that our different social networks, outlets, activities intertwine, because they are starting to do so more often.
This is me starting to learn and let go…finally.
It seems that he is out having a strong social life, meeting all kinds of new people, joining groups, going to the gym, having cocktails, seems to have money to spend, is taking vacations with friends, babysitting for others, etc. How can all of that be true? When we were together, he had no friends other than the ones that I brought into the relationship; he wasn’t a “joiner” in any sense of the word and would barely talk with me about anything. Now, he is living an active and engaged life…the life I was hoping to have as a couple. Why couldn’t he do this when we were together? This would have helped to maintain our marriage!
Don’t get me wrong…I don’t begrudge him any of this. In fact, I am thrilled that he is able to live a full life; it is what I always hoped for. What I don’t understand is why couldn’t he do this when he was with me? Why could he find a way to live fully with me as his partner? I have to question myself. Clearly, he is capable of this…just not with me, so what was it about our marriage that held him back? I would like to think that perhaps, my leaving woke him up, and allowed him to live more fully. However, I don’t think that he was that linked to me personally.
Could it have been that his sense of security has changed and he realizes that he needs to do this to live whereas before, I managed most of this and he didn’t need to pay attention? I am sure that I will never have the answers. He will never talk to me about this.
What do I have to learn from this? I think there are lessons here that I need to pay heed to before letting go:
1. I cannot manage a relationship and expect my partner to be able to grow. I think I made this mistake in my marriage and it helped to bring us apart.
2. I must not provide all of the social outlets for my partner, nor expect him to always want to/have to participate in mine because if I do, he will not develop any of his own.
3. I have to get a perspective that allows me to be genuinely happy for him in his new life that is separate from any feelings of guilt, jealousy or abandonment that I might have.
4. I have to find a way to deal with the times that our different social networks, outlets, activities intertwine, because they are starting to do so more often.
This is me starting to learn and let go…finally.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Letting go...
I am having trouble letting go of the things that are not critical.
Tonight I find my self in a gorgeous suite in a five star hotel in Madrid. (Really sweet suite!) It is 3:39 a.m. and I can't sleep. It is not time zone adjustment or too much of the strong coffee (which I am loving). It is work. There are meetings being held about my job and I am not in attendance. Not meetings about whether or not my job should exist (which would be more worrisome) but how my job should drive certain processes. The meeting is schedule for when I am in Europe and it is driving me crazy. I have emailed the team and told them they must wait until I get back. Most of the meeting attendees agreed; however some of the people that should be understanding of my position have come back with comments like the VP "told us to have an initial conversation right away". The VP is here with me in Madrid, but I haven't seen him since I became aware of the meeting. (I will tomorrow and you can be sure that I will straighten this out.)
The VP is new and trying to understand how things work and is trying to make improvements but he is just learning to understand the big picture. As a result, I find out that he has been having ongoing discussions about processes that are under my responsibility with many other employees but has only given me fly bys in the hallway. Now he is asking for a scheduled meeting to start a process change and I am out of the loop.
While I am sure that after talking to him tomorrow, he will understand why it is important for the meeting to wait until next week and will be supportive, but I love my job and take it seriously. Right now I feel dismissed, disregarded and dissed. Oh yeah...all that the coffee means I can't sleep....
Tonight I find my self in a gorgeous suite in a five star hotel in Madrid. (Really sweet suite!) It is 3:39 a.m. and I can't sleep. It is not time zone adjustment or too much of the strong coffee (which I am loving). It is work. There are meetings being held about my job and I am not in attendance. Not meetings about whether or not my job should exist (which would be more worrisome) but how my job should drive certain processes. The meeting is schedule for when I am in Europe and it is driving me crazy. I have emailed the team and told them they must wait until I get back. Most of the meeting attendees agreed; however some of the people that should be understanding of my position have come back with comments like the VP "told us to have an initial conversation right away". The VP is here with me in Madrid, but I haven't seen him since I became aware of the meeting. (I will tomorrow and you can be sure that I will straighten this out.)
The VP is new and trying to understand how things work and is trying to make improvements but he is just learning to understand the big picture. As a result, I find out that he has been having ongoing discussions about processes that are under my responsibility with many other employees but has only given me fly bys in the hallway. Now he is asking for a scheduled meeting to start a process change and I am out of the loop.
While I am sure that after talking to him tomorrow, he will understand why it is important for the meeting to wait until next week and will be supportive, but I love my job and take it seriously. Right now I feel dismissed, disregarded and dissed. Oh yeah...all that the coffee means I can't sleep....
Monday, June 7, 2010
Feeling content and fresh starts
Today I am feeling content and feel that I have fresh starts. My eating has been in control over the past few days and I am down about 6 pounds. I am feeling like I can stay on track for tomorrow (I only look one day at a time!)
I spent the day in New York City doing what one of the things I love doing on a late spring day. Grabbing a light lunch and sitting in Bryant Park, knitting and people watching. The entire cast was on today! It was so incredibly relaxing! This after spending one of the best night's sleep I have had in two months at the Palace Hotel on Madison Avenue. Had a successful day at work and feel like I have options for growing my social life. It is good to be me today. (I have to take notice of the positive when it comes!)
I am leaving for Spain in less than 48 hours. It should be a great trip, but this also means that when I get home I will be nonstop between kids and work until the end of the month. I better take my sleep while I can!
I spent the day in New York City doing what one of the things I love doing on a late spring day. Grabbing a light lunch and sitting in Bryant Park, knitting and people watching. The entire cast was on today! It was so incredibly relaxing! This after spending one of the best night's sleep I have had in two months at the Palace Hotel on Madison Avenue. Had a successful day at work and feel like I have options for growing my social life. It is good to be me today. (I have to take notice of the positive when it comes!)
I am leaving for Spain in less than 48 hours. It should be a great trip, but this also means that when I get home I will be nonstop between kids and work until the end of the month. I better take my sleep while I can!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
It's a small world after all...
I have always been told to be careful what you say about and to people because you never know when it will come back to you. Some people call it karma, some call in coincidence...I call it dumb luck!
So the other day, on Tressa's suggestion, I looked at a dating site. I saw many interesting people and took the bold step to reach out to one of them....and he responded! After some basic back and forth, we decided to meet for coffee during our work day because we worked right around the corner from each other. We had a terrific time. I thought he was quite handsome and the conversation witty, entertaining and easy. He is a Dad of a cute little boy. I could tell there was a mutual attraction -- which was confirmed by him texting me right after we parted telling me so. We made a plan to get together after I returned from Spain.
Sounds great! Yesterday, he calls me and leaves a message, laughing, saying that he needs to talk to me because he has a funny story to tell me. When I call him back, he tells me that he has already met my children and thinks they are terrific. He knows Tony and has been in my former house (this from a man that just moved from the South a few months ago...) He met Tony through a mutual friend and when he pieced the whole story together in his head, he was shocked and mentioned it to Tony and the mutual friend.
Now...what should I do? I called Tony to let him know that I know that he knows (I hate the secrets). Tony didn't seem bothered (good). Then I called the guy back to let him know that Tony and I talked about and to see how he was doing with it. (He seemed okay and said the date was still on.) But, how do I feel about it?
I never said anything negative about Tony or our divorce. But I don't know what he has heard about me from the other side. Additionally, if this did work out, would I ever be able to be completely open and honest with him (he described the mutual friend as "good friend") without splitting folks? Does it put him in a weird place? Do I proceed slowly and cautiously? When do I trust and how do I know where the lines are? Do I move on? He is attractive and I think he is charming. My inclination is to wait and see, but I would hate for some weirdness and ugliness....who wants to deal with that?
This brings me back to my theory that dating as an adult is our version of a noogie, followed by a wedgie with a side of Indian sunburn....better put some better underwear on....
So the other day, on Tressa's suggestion, I looked at a dating site. I saw many interesting people and took the bold step to reach out to one of them....and he responded! After some basic back and forth, we decided to meet for coffee during our work day because we worked right around the corner from each other. We had a terrific time. I thought he was quite handsome and the conversation witty, entertaining and easy. He is a Dad of a cute little boy. I could tell there was a mutual attraction -- which was confirmed by him texting me right after we parted telling me so. We made a plan to get together after I returned from Spain.
Sounds great! Yesterday, he calls me and leaves a message, laughing, saying that he needs to talk to me because he has a funny story to tell me. When I call him back, he tells me that he has already met my children and thinks they are terrific. He knows Tony and has been in my former house (this from a man that just moved from the South a few months ago...) He met Tony through a mutual friend and when he pieced the whole story together in his head, he was shocked and mentioned it to Tony and the mutual friend.
Now...what should I do? I called Tony to let him know that I know that he knows (I hate the secrets). Tony didn't seem bothered (good). Then I called the guy back to let him know that Tony and I talked about and to see how he was doing with it. (He seemed okay and said the date was still on.) But, how do I feel about it?
I never said anything negative about Tony or our divorce. But I don't know what he has heard about me from the other side. Additionally, if this did work out, would I ever be able to be completely open and honest with him (he described the mutual friend as "good friend") without splitting folks? Does it put him in a weird place? Do I proceed slowly and cautiously? When do I trust and how do I know where the lines are? Do I move on? He is attractive and I think he is charming. My inclination is to wait and see, but I would hate for some weirdness and ugliness....who wants to deal with that?
This brings me back to my theory that dating as an adult is our version of a noogie, followed by a wedgie with a side of Indian sunburn....better put some better underwear on....
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Summertime and the livin' is....
I am taking the day off work today to chaperone Michael's third grade field trip to Plimoth Plantation. I think this should be interesting on a number of fronts.
First...spending the day in charge of 5 nine year olds that, quite frankly, can get crazy silly over the most mundane happening. Second...trying to see if they are actually going to learn something from this step back in time. Third...I already feel somewhat jealous of the simpler life the pilgrims had (OK, I know...pestulance and other difficulties aside) where they never had to yank a nine year old away from a Nintendo DS and beg for eye contact during communication. I get excited just thinking about how the 9 year olds would work from sun up to sun down and not expect to get a $50 bill and trip to GameStop for doing it. Perhaps I will bring that up on the bus...I just hope I don't get tossed out the emergency exit door at the back of the bus while a bunch sweetly smiling children wave good-bye.
First...spending the day in charge of 5 nine year olds that, quite frankly, can get crazy silly over the most mundane happening. Second...trying to see if they are actually going to learn something from this step back in time. Third...I already feel somewhat jealous of the simpler life the pilgrims had (OK, I know...pestulance and other difficulties aside) where they never had to yank a nine year old away from a Nintendo DS and beg for eye contact during communication. I get excited just thinking about how the 9 year olds would work from sun up to sun down and not expect to get a $50 bill and trip to GameStop for doing it. Perhaps I will bring that up on the bus...I just hope I don't get tossed out the emergency exit door at the back of the bus while a bunch sweetly smiling children wave good-bye.
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