If a picture paints a 1000 words...

It was one of those moments when I had another reality check about the new normal. The town I live in has been named one of the top ten places in America to live for the past many years. Money magazine, in their annual multi-page article, used a picture of my former home (now Tony’s home) as the cover shot for the article. Several neighbors felt the need to contact me to say how wonderful it is that the house is in the magazine and how proud Tony should be. In fact, they suggested that he contact the magazine to get a high definition print that he can frame.

I was devastated. It took me a while to figure out why. Here are my issues:

1. Why would people feel the need to contact me to tell me that my ex husband’s house is the sample of all that is good…when it is the house that I had to leave and give up?

2. While I know it is only a house, the purpose of the photograph is to show what a wonderful life it represents. It was a clear reminder of the loss.

3. I felt a strong inequity between Tony’s standing and security and mine and it scared me on some level.

I felt I should take the higher road and call Tony to congratulation him and tell him that it was a wonderful photograph. He didn’t know the house was in the magazine, so I broke the news to him. What was his reaction? “Can they do that without my permission?”

I instantly felt better. I realized why I no longer live in that house. Tony always started from that negative point of view and has to be brought to joy (or at least acceptance.) He can have his house, his photograph and his concern about permissions. I am doing just fine.