Mozzarella or Dancing?

I am at that critical time. I have been eating well for six days and it is the point where I have the most temptation to scarf down a cheesecake. See…here’s the thing – I have never been good at getting and keeping myself healthy. At least not in the way that American – and gay – culture says I have to.


I am not obese, but I could stand live off the fat of the land for a while. I am not weak, but my muscles don’t have the same spring and power they once did. My doctor wants me to lose 10-15 pounds (and I want it to…if only it didn’t take so much work!).

The real reason for this is that my father, uncle and grandfather were all dead by 49. They were overweight, smoked, high stress, high blood pressure, yada yada yada. I just turned 45. I see my own mortality. I just went to the doctor’s. I never smoked. My blood pressure was ideal – triglycerides are back in check. My stress is not out of the ordinary. I am on a statin drug because, while my bad cholesterol is remarkably low, my good cholesterol is almost nonexistent so the ratio between them isn’t good. Many people would consider me basically healthy. However, I see everything that could potentially be leading up to an early end.

I have two young children. I want to dance at my children’s weddings. I am trying to be consistent so that I don’t leave them without a father. I try to remind myself that I can’t eat that pizza no matter how great it looks, because that dance is worth more than all of the melted mozzarella in the world.