I think the reality of having a single income stream has finally hit home. During the entire divorce process, I was living off of student loans, stock option buy outs and whatever Tony paid into the house. When I left Tony’s house, I was at Bruce’s house and he was remarkably generous and kind when he brought the children and me into his home in a way that did not send me to bankruptcy (and I will be forever grateful to him for helping us in such an important way.)
In October, I became fully independent and responsible for myself, my children and our home. I have never had to carry an entire household myself before. The first few months were sort of a free fall as I had nothing other than some basic furniture. I had to set up a complete household. As I told a friend, I was freaked out because I didn’t even have salt! Well, the free fall has, for all intents and purposes, ended, and the house is hitting equilibrium. It is not the standard of living to which I had become accustomed, but it is a good life. The reality of how tight I have to live everyday is becoming painfully apparent.
When I got divorced, I made a deal with Tony that allowed him to keep the family home. I was extremely aware of how much I wanted my children to be able to keep their routine and home even if that meant that I walked away with fewer resources. (I am not sure that Tony appreciates the fact that I didn’t fight him for every penny that I might have received…) I allowed Tony to pay me over time…with no interested. What I have noticed on my side is that the first payment I received was comforting to put in the bank. It meant that I would survive. However that first payment is now dramatically reduced and I am getting nervous. I find that I draw on it each month. Every time I sit and pay bills, I become more sensitive to my spending habits. I almost never buy lunch and have reduced my coffee runs.
I wish I had a way to understand the best way to manage money with two growing children. Taking them out is a real treat now. And, they outgrow their clothes every few weeks. I want to support their enrichment and get them involved in activities. So, every day is a trade off. Every day brings new decisions. I am trying to teach the kids about choices and long term effects.
Last night as I was scrolling through the channels, I came across an early episode of “Little House on the Prairie” and I thought…wow…life was simple then. Sure, they had to carry water to bathe (and it must have sucked if you weren’t the first one in the bath…) but Ma and Pa Ingalls didn’t have to tell their kids that the generic sneakers from Kohl’s are just as good as the Air Nike’s that their friends are wearing…
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My Older Sister ( who doesn't Talm to my Mother or Me) used to always say "you can tell the employees without families they don't have lunch in the refrigerator at work" . My girlfriend who makes enough money for lunch and breakfast and coffees very rarely indulges in them she prefers to sign up for the 10 massages at 39.00 each around the corner from your office at the Back center. She makes breakfast ( oatmeal with fruit and a scoop of peanut butter) every morning. And makes herself a sandwich for lunch. I wish I had her discipline.
ReplyDeleteI meant talk but you know I meant that
ReplyDeleteIt's tough to sit and think about wants versus needs, but once you accept it, it's oddly comforting. I know the coffee runs really hurt me, but now the kids know what a treat is, instead of being handed everything they want.
ReplyDelete