Picking my battles

Picking my battles.  This is not always so easy for me, particularly when it comes to my children and my ex husband.  I have been faced with a decision where no answer feels right.  Giving in doesn't feel right, but I certainly understand the desire to do so...and if the situation was reversed, I would want him to do so with kindness.  However, I feel like standing my ground is the right thing to do intellectually, but doesn't feel good either. 

We have come to one of those moments where we both want something and I have the control.  Exercising the control will inevitably have its costs sooner rather than later.  Giving in means giving up an experience that is important to me (and for the children).  I have tried to offer a compromise where I am ending my experience early so that the children can also participate in his plans.  However, that doesn't seem to be a fair compromise for him.  I feel badly about the whole situation and really want everyone to be happy and get along.  That seems to be increasingly more difficult of late. 

I actually think these moments are the worst in the divorce process.  During the actual physical and legal separation, there is an expectation that things will be difficult and antagonistic.  So, here we are.  Three years later and things don't feel any better.  This is some of the sadness I had while we were married that I had hoped would be resolved by the divorce.  I really do care about his feelings and the feelings of his family, but I also have to build a life and foundation for me and the children.  These moments show just how hard those decisions can be and how fragile our working relationship is.  I had just hoped that we would have been able to move to a more agreeable arrangement for the benefit of the children -- and ourselves.