Being understood

After my divorce, I had a deep and honest relationship with someone for nearly a year.  I count myself fortunate to have been able to have that experience.  I truly believe this person loved me, had the best interests of me, my children and us as a couple in the forefront.  He is remarkably kind, generous and was instrumental in helping me and the children through the ugliest parts of the divorce.  It had all the makings of a lifelong success.  Unfortunately, things worked out differently.

We were both faced with such tremendous life change at the same time that we became overwhelmed with managing the changes in my life as well as the many significant shifts that were happening in his.  He allowed the children and I to live with him for a period of time and this past week marks the one year anniversary of our moving out of his house.  A sad anniversary for us all.

After the move there was tremendous hurt and sadness on both sides.  We got to the point where we could hardly speak to each other and all avenues of communication and bridges to our relationship were, in effect, closed.   It always felt like such unfinished business.

This week we spoke again.  He had always been quite articulate in being able to tell me why he was hurt and how he felt I contributed to the ending of the relationship.  He was right most all accounts. What was different this time is that I actually believe that he has heard for the first time what my experience was and how his behaviours, attitudes and choices affected me.  And, he apologized.  I felt like I had closure on my sad memories.  I felt like that part of our experience is settled, if not healed. 

Simply being understood and heard is such a powerful experience that I take pause.  I realize that I need to try to do that more with others in my life.  (I am sure that Michael would tell you that I need to do that more.)  Thanks BA for reminding me of the power of simple words like "Thanks for telling me that.  I didn't put that together and I am sorry."  It means everything.