So lately I have been focused on all of the new beginnings that have been part of this stage of my life. I have been wrapped up in how much my life has changed, how to manage the change, what the change will do with my life and how not to get derailed as I try to move forward.
Today, I was reminded of an old beginning. I had a phone call with Paula – one of the few friends I had in high school. We reconnected recently but today was the first time we spoke in more than 25 years. It was amazing to hear her voice and talk about how 25 years gives you as much as it costs you. It was a good reminder that even though I am a quarter century older, can’t maintain my boyish figure the way I want to, and life is far more complicated, I have greater self efficacy, control and options.
I was telling her that as I prepared to move into this new home I found the “Skool Daze” book my mother and I made as I went through my public school years. It was one of those books that had a page for each grade and an envelope for report cards and keepsakes. As I went through it, I had a shocking revelation. I always thought I was a good student – that is until I found my report cards. I was horrified to find out how poor my grades were. It is a wonder I ever got to college at all. I started reflecting on what high school really was like. I was socially awkward, trying to reconcile being gay, and having absolutely no direction. Paula started telling me what it was really like for her in high school. It was comforting to know that much of what I was experiencing socially was not in isolation.
Just recently Wendy, one of my other high school friends that I recently reconnected with, shared some of her experience. Wendy was one of those people who I thought had it all together, did well in school, had direction and was focused. She talked about how high school was confusing and socially challenging.
Both of these women have reminded me of something very important. My beginnings were not as out of the ordinary as I remember them to be. That having those challenges in our early years has made all three of us wiser, more sensitive and open to what we can be. Now I just have to finish figuring out what that is.
P.S. Three days of commitment to the future and doing well!
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I a stealing the quote but " it is not how you start the race ,it is how you finish it"
ReplyDeleteAh Lenny...so true! As the one who sat behind me in homeroom...you get it!
ReplyDeleteI think high school is quite hard on far more people than we really think. I was miserable in high school, and some of the people I also thought had it together, well, they were not doing so well either. High school and college are so often viewed as the "best times in your life" but really, I think it didn't start to shift until I got to Simmons. I'm glad you don't feel so alone with your past experience in high school.
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