I have always struggled with the concept of being good enough. In high school, I was never in the "in crowd"...in fact, I wasn't in any crowd. I have always struggled with being smart enough, thin enough, focused enough, secure enough, worthy enough. I have been able to make improvements as I aged to be feel better about myself but every once in a while, those old feelings of "who do you think you are?" come back. I have always wanted my children to be free of those feelings.
Today I had an interesting interaction with Michael. He was extremely angry with me because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted to do. We talked about how he hadn't met his responsibilities and accomplished what he needed to accomplish for the day. Now, clearly some of that was parental expectation and limit setting -- which is perfectly normal and acceptable. However, I struggled with how to do that while teaching a firm lesson and not breaking or shaming him. It was an extremely difficult conversation. One that Michael didn't seem to be getting. He kept repeating how unhappy he was and how unfair I was being. He discussed his unworthiness and lack of knowledge and ability. It struck me right to the core. I assured him that I thought he was perfectly capable of doing what needed to be done and that I loved him for who he is. I told him that I knew he would make me proud, but would he feel proud of himself if he continued doing what he was doing? He reiterated that he couldn't accomplish the goals that I had set out for him.
Fifteen minutes later I got a call from Michael. (This was call #4 in an hour.) He calmly told me how he had solved a difficult math problem that he had been working on all week. He calmly told me that he was moving onto his next task and was excited to see me tonight.
Parenting moment for the day. Check. Proud Dad. Check. More importantly -- a son with a stronger sense of self. CHECK!
Today I had an interesting interaction with Michael. He was extremely angry with me because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted to do. We talked about how he hadn't met his responsibilities and accomplished what he needed to accomplish for the day. Now, clearly some of that was parental expectation and limit setting -- which is perfectly normal and acceptable. However, I struggled with how to do that while teaching a firm lesson and not breaking or shaming him. It was an extremely difficult conversation. One that Michael didn't seem to be getting. He kept repeating how unhappy he was and how unfair I was being. He discussed his unworthiness and lack of knowledge and ability. It struck me right to the core. I assured him that I thought he was perfectly capable of doing what needed to be done and that I loved him for who he is. I told him that I knew he would make me proud, but would he feel proud of himself if he continued doing what he was doing? He reiterated that he couldn't accomplish the goals that I had set out for him.
Fifteen minutes later I got a call from Michael. (This was call #4 in an hour.) He calmly told me how he had solved a difficult math problem that he had been working on all week. He calmly told me that he was moving onto his next task and was excited to see me tonight.
Parenting moment for the day. Check. Proud Dad. Check. More importantly -- a son with a stronger sense of self. CHECK!
Aw, E.... What a triumph. xo - court
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