Michael started fourth grade yesterday. Now, I am not stupid. I have been around the block a few times. I know that fourth grade comes after third grade. Not just here, but everywhere. Yet, when I woke up yesterday, I had this feeling of “What the &%$#@!” It was like Michael was pulling a fast one on me.
Not to mention that my mother just came to visit and gave me my fourth grade report card (which seems like it was a million years ago). It came in a brown envelope and all of the students in my class wrote their names on it. In many incidents, these were kids that either ignored me or were less than kind to me. I was not popular. I had very few friends. I was fat, awkward, and immature. I had red hair and a face full of freckles. Kids teased me and started to identify me as gay – to their own relishment. My teacher at the J. J. Mitchell Elementary School was Mr. Moran. My memory of him was that he was a stern and joyless older man with white hair. Out of all my elementary school teachers, he is the one I remember the least.
Fast forward. I walk Michael into school. He is athletic, beautiful and popular. Every kid and every teacher is giving him a warm greeting, a high five or a request for a play date. His teacher is thrilled to see him again after the long summer break. He is everything I always wanted to be. He settled into his seat without any anxiety or reservation and his only concern before I left the school was whether or not we could have taco night for dinner.
Dinner time. I was checking email before the kids and I sat down. On Facebook, several of the kids that I was in fourth grade with are now Facebook friends. Clearly we have grown and matured. Michael reported that he had a great first day and is looking forward to going back. And…we had one hell of a taco night.
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...and now you're athletic, beautiful and popular and everyone gives you a warm greeting & wants a play date
ReplyDeleteYou perfectly describe almost exactly how I have secretly felt knowing you; and that it was projected onto you during a painful childhood experience. As someone who respects you tremendously, I am torn being honest in this comment (but anon). My hope is you are aware that, at least this person, has felt unpopular, judged, insignificant, and wrongly pegged in knowing you
ReplyDeleteThank you David!
ReplyDelete...and to "Anonymous". Thank you so much for your post. I have grown tremendously since and because of those experiences. Do I wish I had an experience like Michael? Yes. Has my life been enriched because of the experiences I have had? Yes.
If you ever want to discuss with me directly, I would welcome that. If you don't, know how much I appreciate your comment and know that good things grew out of those experiences...I hope the same for you.
That's quite a comment for someone to make anonymously. As ever, Elliott, you are a class act. Well done.
ReplyDeleteElliott, In all seriousness though, I think your post was emotionally raw and that it's unusually brave and risky to put that out in a public forum for the whole world to read and critique at will - just one of the unique qualities that makes you you.
ReplyDeleteAs for the anonymous poster, while this is in no way my forum, I would just like to add that I personally feel you are a complete dick, but that this in no way reflects the opinion of Monkey Stew or it's author.
I actually think the anonymous poster was aligning with me rather than attacking me. I think the post was about "I felt that way too". I actually took the post to be supportive.
ReplyDelete...and I might add if the anonymous poster was saying that I was the person that made them feel that way...I apologize. Those are tough times. As my grandmother always told me: "As you know better, you do better." I hope that is how I have been.
ReplyDeleteDavid, Jacob - perhaps I am a dick; I try to be real and yes, I could see the appearance of attacking someone in his rawness. That was not my intent. I respect Eliot and what he said resonated in a way that has felt true for me in relating to him. It was meant to be supportive - but perhaps I missed the mark. I think, via comments above, Eliot realizes the resonation...No intent to hurt, only heal, starting with not cowering to fear of people...
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Thank you for your honesty and rawness. While I appreciate my reader's sense of loyalty and concern for me (and I truly do), I also realize that part of this journey for me is about being real, honest and to live boldly. Sometimes that gets messy...and I am okay with that. Thank you for posting...I hope you continue to do so.
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