Usually my blog is a reflection of something that happens in my day that brings new understanding, awareness or just thoughtfulness. This entry is actually one that was initiated from my blog. The other day, I wrote an entry about being in the fourth grade. It was a reflection on how my experience has been completely different from Michael’s and how children can be healing and with time, most things level out.
An anonymous poster wrote a comment that some readers had a reaction to, and I was not sure how to take. When I read it the first time, I took the comment to be supportive, then I wasn’t sure. In any case, I am happy that the poster put the comment on my blog. The blog is intended to be a place where I sort through many of the confusing and unsettled aspects of life. I am happy that readers might also use the blog for processing out what might be related and unsettled for them.
I have spent the past few days thinking about who I have judged and made to feel awkward, unattractive or unwanted. Then the list got too long so I decided to change to a different tactic. Rather than looking at others and what their experience has been, I have decided to look at my own behavior.
Have I judged others and made them feel less than? I am positive of it. Have my behaviors had long lasting effects on others? Without question. Am I learning from these experiences and wish that others had a better experience in their dealings with me? Yes. Will I do it again? Guaranteed. The better question is “am I trying to do better?” and that answer is definitely. As Grandma always told me “As you know better, you do better.” Thanks Grandma. You are wise and I will.
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...the meaning was supportive/positive - an opportunity to say the unsaid was presented and resonated, thus leading to the post. As I said, I had/have much respect for you, else it wouldn't matter. No one is perfect, i'm sure i've done the same to others - intentional or not. Maybe someday I can grow spine enough to meet with you over tea to discuss this - which is probably very insignificant.. Until then I enjoy your blogs...keep reflecting!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Again, thank you. Posts like this do help me to grow and understand more about, not only my internal process, but how my behaviour and actions affect others.
ReplyDeleteMeeting me is not about growing enough spine. You clearly have enough of that to be who you are. If the need or desire for process or closure is ever great enough for you, I welcome the opportunity to hear about your experience and grow from it. Until then, I will marinate in the experience and try to be more mindful and to live with a greater generosity of spirit.