Today I turn 46. Even though most people, wouldn't consider 46 to be a major milestone...I do. It represents for me a new level of awareness and awakening. And, as life has shown me, learning, growth and awareness can have multiple feelings attached to it.
Recently, I was offered some feedback about my working style and how I manage myself and my responsibilities. It wasn't feedback that felt good, but was very helpful and I was appreciative for it. I have spent a good deal of time truly reflecting on how I carry myself and approach others. Clearly, there is stsill a lot more growth to be done.
However, there was one interesting comment that has stuck with me. I was told that pride I have been exhibiting in my work and the energy that I bring to the workplace is being interpreted as my feeling inadequate and having low self confidence. At first, I thought....this person doesn't know me at all! But as I reflected on the comment, I thought that there was truly something to it.
I have always been known as a person that has extreme self confidence, isn't afraid of risk and will tackle any challenge. This also leads me to be a bit intimidating socially and perhaps somewhat aggressive or forceful. I know it ... and I see it. Since the divorce, I have indeed felt injured and significantly more concerned about the future and my ability to lead my little tribe into it. I think I have been relying on old behaviours to "fake it until I make it".
I think I am beginning to realize that I am doing more faking and less making. The more faking I do, the more I posture and overdo the strengths that I have (assertiveness, risk taking, driving forward in tough times) and those strengths become detriments. I need to be more reality based, less focused on the accomplishments at work and status and spending significantly more time working on my own sense of peace and life balance. This awareness has actually brought a significant amount of stress into a more manageable process.
I didn't like the feedback I have been getting. I needed it. I am thankful for it. I will make the same mistakes, but I am focused on not letting my own anxieties, stresses and fears drive my behaviours. I am going to slow down, breathe more and and acknowledge my own ability to manage and let go of the rest. Or at least, that is the plan for today.
Recently, I was offered some feedback about my working style and how I manage myself and my responsibilities. It wasn't feedback that felt good, but was very helpful and I was appreciative for it. I have spent a good deal of time truly reflecting on how I carry myself and approach others. Clearly, there is stsill a lot more growth to be done.
However, there was one interesting comment that has stuck with me. I was told that pride I have been exhibiting in my work and the energy that I bring to the workplace is being interpreted as my feeling inadequate and having low self confidence. At first, I thought....this person doesn't know me at all! But as I reflected on the comment, I thought that there was truly something to it.
I have always been known as a person that has extreme self confidence, isn't afraid of risk and will tackle any challenge. This also leads me to be a bit intimidating socially and perhaps somewhat aggressive or forceful. I know it ... and I see it. Since the divorce, I have indeed felt injured and significantly more concerned about the future and my ability to lead my little tribe into it. I think I have been relying on old behaviours to "fake it until I make it".
I think I am beginning to realize that I am doing more faking and less making. The more faking I do, the more I posture and overdo the strengths that I have (assertiveness, risk taking, driving forward in tough times) and those strengths become detriments. I need to be more reality based, less focused on the accomplishments at work and status and spending significantly more time working on my own sense of peace and life balance. This awareness has actually brought a significant amount of stress into a more manageable process.
I didn't like the feedback I have been getting. I needed it. I am thankful for it. I will make the same mistakes, but I am focused on not letting my own anxieties, stresses and fears drive my behaviours. I am going to slow down, breathe more and and acknowledge my own ability to manage and let go of the rest. Or at least, that is the plan for today.
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