A weekend of reflection and adjustments

It Sunday...Valentine's Day and I am wiped out.  It is a good thing, but tiring as change and growth often is.

After the debaucle at the office on Thursday (and the fall out which hasn't felt much better), I spent the weekend putting myself in check.  I realized that I haven't been focused, paying attention, or taking care of myself.  I took time to engage in time with friends (we had a fun Olympics opening ceremonies party and a Chinese New Year feast) which I certainly needed.  But, I also spent a fair amount of time trying to understand why some of my choices lately have been less than what I would expect for myself. 

I have made some adjustments to what I think I can/should do about certain situations, put some of those changes into place already and will work on the rest during the weeks to come.  I must take better care of myself which means eating better and exercising.  I am not going to beat myself up, I am just going to focus on improvement.  I am going to try to recoup what I need at the office - although I know that will take some time. 

These understandings don't feel great, but spending time getting to them is necessary.  Miri was extremely helpful in talking me through it.  She told me that people who don't get messy aren't living.  My immediate response was that if I was messy because I was taking a risk or challenging myself, it would be easier to take.  However, I was messy because I was careless and unkind.  I don't like it, but I own it.  Now I rebuild. Where is the rewind button?

However, I want to end on a positive.  The kids woke up and found their Valentine's on the table...crawled into my bed for a morning cuddle.  We went out to lunch and to the movies.  It was a great day.  I love my kids.