The best way to really learn about who you are...is for your kids to tell you.  Unfortunately, they usually tell you in ways that aren't always the easiest to hear.  I have been trying lately to really parent my kids in the way they need to be parented rather than in the way that I want to parent them.  This is no easy task my friends!

My kids tell me that I am ruining their lives, that I don't listen, that I talk over them, that I am quick to react, that I push too hard.  (For the record, these are all the things I say about them as well...)  I am trying to slow down, take things in the moment without planning too far in advance, letting go of the things that really aren't that important, and trying not to hold on so tight (which is the hardest of all.)

I can't tell if it is that I am fearful of what will happen if I let go or if I am just terrified that I no longer have any babies and my role is less important in the immediate moment.  What happens to me when my children don't need me and my constant vigilance every minute of the day?  Have I outlived my usefulness?  Of course, reading this, I know it all sounds a bit crazy, but that is raw emotion that I get sometimes.  I waffle between being too strict and too lax.  Neither feels good and I can't seem to get the right middle of the road to go down. I tell myself that "some day they will thank me!"  (They will...right?)