Well...I did it! I gathered up all of my emotional strength and worked through all of the anxiety...and took AND passed my LICSW exam. The buildup was terrifying, soul rattling and, safe to say, a bit obnoxious to all those around me. In hindsight, I was overprepared, wholly capable and my own worst enemy.
For weeks -- years actually -- before I took the exam, this was the goal. I left my good job in big business to be a clinician. An LICSW. To do work that was really important to me. When I went back to grad school, I knew that this day would come and I couldn't wait for it. However, as the day started to loom, I started getting test anxiety, self-doubt and buckets - o - stress. I was beginning to become fixated on whether or not I was going to be good enough to take the exam.
Yesterday morning, I went to the testing center at my appointed time, only to be told that the test would need to be rescheduled because the testing center wasn't able to load my exam in the appropriate time slot. I lost my mind. After walking out of the test center and venting...I marched back in and advocated for myself stating that I needed to take the test today. The thought of having to ready my psyche again...and keep studying to keep the edge just wouldn't work for me. They allowed me to test and I did really well. Better than I thought I would.
For weeks -- years actually -- before I took the exam, this was the goal. I left my good job in big business to be a clinician. An LICSW. To do work that was really important to me. When I went back to grad school, I knew that this day would come and I couldn't wait for it. However, as the day started to loom, I started getting test anxiety, self-doubt and buckets - o - stress. I was beginning to become fixated on whether or not I was going to be good enough to take the exam.
Yesterday morning, I went to the testing center at my appointed time, only to be told that the test would need to be rescheduled because the testing center wasn't able to load my exam in the appropriate time slot. I lost my mind. After walking out of the test center and venting...I marched back in and advocated for myself stating that I needed to take the test today. The thought of having to ready my psyche again...and keep studying to keep the edge just wouldn't work for me. They allowed me to test and I did really well. Better than I thought I would.
Now I feel accomplished. I have reached the goal that I have envisioned for more than five years. I have lots of options now. I can continue to build my career of choice. However, that isn't why I feel truly accomplished. The real reason is that when I had children, a few of the lessons I wanted to teach my children is to have a career that you are passionate about, that the money will come when you do, always value education and believe in you. Showing my children that I was nervous and scared, that I could work through the anxiety, that studying brings good things to you, that staying on course and working hard through difficult challenges will bring you big rewards and that I put my words into action -- these are important things. That Michael told me he was proud of me -- that is why I feel accomplished. My son is proud of me. There is nothing higher.
There's nothing more wonderful than hearing your child tell you that they're proud of you. I hope you continue to hear those words for many years to come. Definitely better than the alternative (when you don't know anything)!Dennis saw me go through something similar when I took the last 2 levels of the Greek Proficiency test, & I loved hearing him tell people that his Mom's Greek is better than his Dad's, even though Dad was born there. Now that I'll be teaching Greek, he tells people that I could teach almost anything (we both stink at physics, though)! Congratulations, Elliot!
ReplyDeleteThanks Maria! You are so right. I was always of the belief that the only opinion of me that mattered was mine. I now know that isn't true
ReplyDeleteJust as I know Dennis is proud of you (and so am I!) I know my children are proud of me. That is what makes me feel like a man