Nineteen years ago this week, I had an experience with someone that changed my life forever. A co-worker and social friend (you know, the kind of guy that you hang out with socially but isn't that "tell me your deep and dark secrets" kind of friend) was having a tough day at work. I asked him what was going on. He had just broken up with his boyfriend and I thought that I would get some I miss him, that bastard type of response. I didn't.
He told me that he was going for the results of his HIV test and he was nervous. Without thinking, I asked him who was going with him and there was no one. So I offered to go. An hour later, we were sitting in a small room when he was told that his life was now going to be different. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say or what to do. He simply imploded and let out a wail that was pure pain and agony. For thirty minutes no one said anything. He doubled over and I rubbed his back.
When he could finally get up and walk again, I drove him home and spent the night. We spent most of the night talking. He talked about how the next day would be Mother's Day and he couldn't imagine telling his mother. I told him that it is a parent's right to cry and grieve with their children. A parent has the right to feel pain and suffering when their children suffer. He bought an airline ticket and flew home to tell his mother. She was devastated. They cried together. They learned to live again.
Today, all these years later, this friend is a bright, brilliant, successful, well-adjusted, happy, engaging and healthy man that is living life to the fullest. This experience changed me profoundly. All these years later I am convinced that he gave me a special gift that night. Living through that experience made me safer, wiser and more human. Since that time, I have gone with several friends as they got their positive HIV results. It is never easy. It is always human. BV....thank you for the gifts you have given me.
He told me that he was going for the results of his HIV test and he was nervous. Without thinking, I asked him who was going with him and there was no one. So I offered to go. An hour later, we were sitting in a small room when he was told that his life was now going to be different. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say or what to do. He simply imploded and let out a wail that was pure pain and agony. For thirty minutes no one said anything. He doubled over and I rubbed his back.
When he could finally get up and walk again, I drove him home and spent the night. We spent most of the night talking. He talked about how the next day would be Mother's Day and he couldn't imagine telling his mother. I told him that it is a parent's right to cry and grieve with their children. A parent has the right to feel pain and suffering when their children suffer. He bought an airline ticket and flew home to tell his mother. She was devastated. They cried together. They learned to live again.
Today, all these years later, this friend is a bright, brilliant, successful, well-adjusted, happy, engaging and healthy man that is living life to the fullest. This experience changed me profoundly. All these years later I am convinced that he gave me a special gift that night. Living through that experience made me safer, wiser and more human. Since that time, I have gone with several friends as they got their positive HIV results. It is never easy. It is always human. BV....thank you for the gifts you have given me.
To the folks that sent me comments offline...thank you so much for your feedback. It means so much to me.
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