There are some days as parents that you know your children struggle but it is a good thing. A great learning lesson is had. Children will grow from the adversity and become better people. Stonger. More aware and vibrant. While you want to swoop in and save them, you know that they have to handle it on their own. Their ability to do so, shows that they are getting ready to break away and become fully formed people. But it still sucks.
Yesterday, Michael in all of his joy and excitement saw two of his favorite neighborhood kids at the park and ran out to play soccer with them. Instead of their usual sense of inclusion and good behavior, these kids told Michael immediately that they didn't want to play with him. They wanted him to leave the park. Michael, in all his bravado and sense of community, stayed and tried to ingrain himself into the game until the boys told him that he was annoying and unwanted. I could see this unfold from window and knew something was up. Michael calmly turned and walked out of the park. By the time he came into the living room, he was in tears. He couldn't understand why his friends would do this. He couldn't think of anything he did wrong.
I look at this with two different views. First, my personal experience view. I was never the popular kid. Michael is. So, the meaning attached to this somewhat minor (in my opinion) event is different. Because I was always the outcast, my reaction would have been "Of course you don't want me in the park...no one does...so go screw yourself! I am going to do what I want!" Michael's view was "No one has ever told me they didn't want to play with me and that I was annoying (except his sister who doesn't count). I don't know what to do with these feelings!" Coaching him through it required a lot of new skills on my side!
The second view is the parent's view. I wanted to go outside and kick their boney little asses. How dare those overly entitled, arrogant, insensitive, thoughtless brats hurt my sweet and loving child? Big Daddy was on a tear! (OK...for those readers that are concerned....I just glared at them out the window with laser focused disgust...but they never even saw me).
P.S. Later in the night, Michael was being less than kind to Olivia. A simple reminder of his excursion in the park and he was sweet as pie to her! Lesson learned.
Yesterday, Michael in all of his joy and excitement saw two of his favorite neighborhood kids at the park and ran out to play soccer with them. Instead of their usual sense of inclusion and good behavior, these kids told Michael immediately that they didn't want to play with him. They wanted him to leave the park. Michael, in all his bravado and sense of community, stayed and tried to ingrain himself into the game until the boys told him that he was annoying and unwanted. I could see this unfold from window and knew something was up. Michael calmly turned and walked out of the park. By the time he came into the living room, he was in tears. He couldn't understand why his friends would do this. He couldn't think of anything he did wrong.
I look at this with two different views. First, my personal experience view. I was never the popular kid. Michael is. So, the meaning attached to this somewhat minor (in my opinion) event is different. Because I was always the outcast, my reaction would have been "Of course you don't want me in the park...no one does...so go screw yourself! I am going to do what I want!" Michael's view was "No one has ever told me they didn't want to play with me and that I was annoying (except his sister who doesn't count). I don't know what to do with these feelings!" Coaching him through it required a lot of new skills on my side!
The second view is the parent's view. I wanted to go outside and kick their boney little asses. How dare those overly entitled, arrogant, insensitive, thoughtless brats hurt my sweet and loving child? Big Daddy was on a tear! (OK...for those readers that are concerned....I just glared at them out the window with laser focused disgust...but they never even saw me).
P.S. Later in the night, Michael was being less than kind to Olivia. A simple reminder of his excursion in the park and he was sweet as pie to her! Lesson learned.
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