It is serious now

This week, I was officially put on the Boston Marathon team for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  I was excited...then scared.  It is all real now.  Talking about running a marathon and raising money was great in theory, but now I feel the heavy burden of it all!  I am happy I am doing it, but I am not yet fully confident of my ability to complete it.  I am sure that is part of why I am doing what I am doing.

I have put up my fundraising page ( http://pages.teamintraining.org/ma/boston12/ekronenfel )and some friends have already started to donate (I am sooo very thankful!).  I am 3% toward my goal.   I have approximately six months to raise my goal of $8000.  Which in the beginning, I thought would be easy.  However, in this economy, the reactions are slower and the contributions all the more meaningful because I know how much people really have to make stricter decisions on how they use their limited free cash. 

From the training perspective, running has become more serious.  I am now feeling guilty if I am not running at least three times a week.  I am trying to break up what I am doing for training, but am concerned that I am not seeing increased mileage.  (I am hovering at about 6 miles per run.)  I am sure that when I start actively working with the team and the coaches, changes will happen. But for now, I feel the knees, the toes, the heels, the hamstrings....and I am only at six miles.  All I ask is no pictures please as I head up Heartbreak Hill.  I won't be pretty.

Tick tick tick tick tick tick

I am in London.  It is 12:15 am.  I can't sleep.  I am exhausted.  I haven't had a full, uninterupted night sleep in more than two weeks.  I am beginning to go crazy!  I have been grinding my teeth so bad that my dentist said I cracked a molar and I now have to wear a night guard (How sexy is that?)

I want to sleep.  I need to sleep.  Why can't I sleep?  I just lay here and listen to the clock ticking by......Tomorrow is going to be a looooooong day......

I am not done yet

You know when you are just sitting on the couch and all of a sudden you get a moment of reality.  It could be about anything at all...like I forgot I have cookies in the oven or I haven't seen my blue, french cuff dress shirt in a while...where is that? I often have those moments and they drive me crazy.  All of a sudden I get obsessed, focused and can't think of anything else.  I had such a moment the other day.  What raced across my mind?  O. M. G.  I am on the downhill slide....my life is more than half over.  What have I forgotten to do? 


OK...Those that really know me know that I have a small love of the dramatic...but this really sent me for a tizzy.  I started thinking about my quality of life, how I am managing my relationship with my kids (will I have enough time to rebuild any damage I do to them?), my work/life balance, losing weight, flossing, etc. etc. etc.  I actually had to stop and breathe because I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate a bit.

My biggest fear is that it will all be over before I am done.  I know this is probably because my father died only three years older than I am now.  I know that he died feeling unaccomplished.  We discussed it.  I never want that to happen.  I don't want to miss the big moments with my kids.  I want to see where this relationship with Joe really can go.  I want to get a stronger handle on my contributions professionally.  I want to feel good in my body.   I don't want to floss more but want to have the history of doing it.

So, I have been making decisions, small and large to start making more forward movement.  I started taking a bigger assessment of my career and what comes next.  I registered for the Boston Marathon and committed to making my body ready.  And...I have flossed everyday since....