The comfort in settling

One of the things that I kept saying after the divorce was that I would never settle again.  I would not be in a relationship by default, because it was offered to me or because there were no better options.  I would not be in a job that didn't inspire me or make me feel like I was making a difference.  I would not settle.

However, that being said, I have started to settle into my life which is something that I haven't been able to do for many months.  I have started to make my apartment my own instead of looking for a way out.  I have started to settle into a grow pattern with my kids and really looking at how to deepen and enrich those important relationships.  And, I have settled into being single. 

One of my major fears before, during and after the divorce was that I would be alone for the rest of my life...or at least for a very long time and that scared me.  All I could see was a middle aged, short, balding, weight challenged man with two young children and not a lot of cash in the bank.  Now I am truly feeling much more vital, comfortable with being single (although a loving and committed relationship would do a boy good...) and starting to feel that I am no longer "faking it in hopes of making it".  I think I am actually making it.  My confidence is stronger every day. 

I am out there meeting people.  The majority are an immediate hell no! However, I have met a few guys that could be good friends even if they aren't romantic matches.  And...every once in a while I meet someone that makes me go hmmmmmm....Maybe!!

So I am learning that there are some aspects of life that I should never settle for...and others that require my settling in order for me to get ahead.  Learning this lesson makes me feel settled.  Weird...